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Job prospects and moving right along....
Mitsubishi Power Systems is an amazing company and I just found out that they have 2 positions coming available for someone with my background. I sent them my resume, 3 recommendations, and a cover letter explaining the few periods without employment and my current situation. They loved what I sent them and are considering me for the positions. I'm trying very hard not to get my hopes up, but I can't help it. They have amazing benefits and it'd be full-time with great advancement opportunities! It's a bit of a drive, but I don't mind.

I really need a good, full-time job. I can't keep living like this. Every time I turn around there are questions and unloading of emotions that I can't/wont deal with. I am not the trash heap. Each conversation only solidifies my resolve that we were right to separate.

I hate being manipulated and controlled. I would never try to do that to someone that I love. Love isn't about what you can get from the other person. It should be reciprocal. You give all that you have and they do the same. You build trust and take care of each other. When they are down, you try to lift them up, and vice versa. You may not always be able to fix everything right away but you reassure each other that everything WILL be okay. You are there for each other. If I've learned anything from my previous relationships, it's this: If two people are meant to be, they will be. The minute you start giving up your values and molding yourself to fit into their "ideal mate", you become something else. You become someone else, and eventually you lose yourself. When it's finally drawing to an end, you've forgotten how to be you and are left not only alone and hurt, but lost. I can't do that again. I know what I want. I know what I can give to the person I love, and I know that love should be given without expectations. No one is entitled to my love. Love is a gift and should be treasured and shared as such. Love is trust and commitment. No matter what. No. Matter. What.

The problem is trust. I don't believe in being malicious. Yes, couples fight, but the gloves should not come off. As humans, we were given the ability to reason. Communication is the key. Once that line has been broken it starts the crack and eventually break. I don't ever understand how you can claim to love someone and throw words at them...

P.S. This is what happens when Bhren listens to Jeff Buckley sing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah".

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You can also love someone and think you're not being malicious and still throw words at them. But I think you're right. If one is thinking through love and trying to support their mate and not living through their own fear, it should be easy to do the right thing.

Buckley's version of Hallelujah is one of my favorite songs of all time. Just thinking about it...

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